Tag: writer

Big News

So…I’ve got big news (ya know, as evidenced by the title): I quit my job.

This is something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time — I’ve been unhappy in my career for aaaaages — but given all the health shenanigans of the last few years, it just wasn’t possible. Once things stabilized, Brandon (the hubs) and I started laying the groundwork: I started a side gig doing freelance writing, and we began setting aside extra savings.

I originally planned to hold on until the end of the calendar year, if not a bit longer, just to get some extra savings built up before noping out of there — but then my mental health just kind of…tanked.

You know how a person can be running a marathon/other super long distance race that I can’t even begin to fathom, and sometimes their body just quits? Everything shuts down, and they can’t take another step. It’s a total system collapse: no matter how badly they want to keep going and how hard they’re trying, it’s simply not going to happen. They’ve hit a biological wall.

For me it was like that, but with my mental health. I’ve been pushing myself for so long, and suddenly I was unequivocally, irrevocably done. I felt it down to my bones — on a visceral, cellular level — that neither my psyche nor my soul could continue without a clearly defined end in sight. There they were, splayed out on the pavement and trying to crawl towards a finish line that didn’t yet exist. Recognizing that this was a precipitous decline in my mental health, the truth became clear: I had to create a finish line, and I had to do it now.

To keep grinding, pushing, and just generally pulverizing myself would be enormously harmful, and I can’t let that happen. I’ve already been through, and lost, entirely too much to let myself fall victim to harm that I have the power to prevent. It’s one thing to be trapped, but it’s an entirely different beast to remain imprisoned when the one thing standing between me and freedom is courage.

I’ve always felt like courage and bravery are my greatest weaknesses — I’m anxious, risk averse, and being brave doesn’t come easily to me at all — and I know now is the time for me to take the leap of faith that I’ve been aching for for such a long time. Leaps of faith aren’t usually my thing (I like lists, and lists about my lists, and plans, and risk mitigation strategies, and at least attempting to have my shit together), but it’s time.

I’m going to stay until the end of October, just so I have time to wrap up my projects, jump through the flaming hoops of bureaucratic out-processing, and generally try not to leave a huge mess in my wake.

But after that? I leap.

 

Our actions and decisions today will shap
This is what I keep trying to remind myself, at least. If it’s a quote on the internet it has to be true, right?! 

Welp

Soooo. I, uh, disappeared for a bit, didn’t I?

I realized last night – as I was falling asleep, because what better time to have a rando realization like this – that I hadn’t posted in ages. This is due to two things: first, I’ve been doing a lot of freelance writing lately, and working two jobs is, as it turns out, really time consuming. (WHO KNEW?!) I also hadn’t had the time to sit down at my computer and type out a post, so I’ve remedied this by taking the groundbreaking, revolutionary step of…installing the WordPress app so I can post from my phone.

Solutions. I like them.

So, to say the least, things have been busy lately. A quick roundup of all the goings-on ’round here:

1) My freelance writing gig brings me such life, you guys. I’m writing for The List, a women’s lifestyle site, and it’s the perfect combination of research (satisfying my inner nerd), writing (satisfying my inner aspiring author), and on topics I really enjoy (like wellness, women’s issues, and, because I’m nothing if not shallow, celebrities). I try to do at least one article per week, and although it’s time and energy intensive, it’s also engaging and fun. And someone is actually *paying* me to *write* things, which to me, is nothing short of amazing.

2) I passed the two-year post-hysterectomy milestone, which is a big deal in the oncology world. I now get to space out my checkups — so I’ll start going in every six months instead of every three months. Granted, I adore my oncologist and want to be legit, real-life friends with her, so those visits aren’t exactly onerous.

3) I rejoined Weight Watchers, and I have to admit: I’m not doing as good of a job with tracking as I should be. I keep thinking this’ll get better with time, and as I gradually improve my life, my bandwidth won’t feel so limited. Here’s hoping.

4) Remember how I talked about refinancing my student loans? I finally got it figured out, and I was able to use Credible to refinance allllll those bastards — both public and private, which is a big deal. It cut my interest rate in half, so now my payments will actually *do* something! Rejoice.

Anyways, now that I’ve got this handy app installed (can we talk about how old I felt when I realized how long it took for me to think of doing this? Oy vey.), I’ll be able to post and update more often. Until then, I leave you with this autumnal scene, because fall is bae:

Mama* Needs a New Job, Like, Yesterday.

Mama* Needs a New Job, Like, Yesterday.

One of my big goals — nay, one of my primary goals — in renovating my life is to somehow, by the grace of God/Oprah/the Flying Spaghetti Monster, transition from my career in government to a career that’s more my style.

I may or may not be willing to sacrifice a goat and/or make a burnt offering in an effort to help make this happen.

I’ve been trying to investigate possible avenues for this aspiring career change, since a lukewarm, limp, and — ok, I admit — really whiny “I dooooon’t knoooooow?” isn’t a great answer to questions about what, if not government and public policy, I want to do with my life. All I know for sure is that I want my work to involve writing, autonomy, creativity, and being able to serve as a catalyst for good in the world. Beyond that, though? The details elude me.

dafuq
An actual photo of me when people ask what I want to be when I grow up. Except that I have dark hair. And I’m 36. But that’s not the point.

Well, ok, that’s not entirely true. The full truth is that I want to be a writer. I’ve been in love with words since I was a child; I remember desperately  wanting to learn how to read because I knew my whole world would change once I did, and I used to beg my teachers for extra creative writing assignments when I was in grade school. There have only been two things that I’ve consistently always known I want to be when I grow up: a writer and a mom.

Hooooowever, I’m also a realist, and we all know that unless one is an extremely successful novelist like, say, J.K. Rowling (whom I admire and adore), that writing generally doesn’t pay the bills. So, while I’d love to just…be a writer, the reality is that freelance writing isn’t exactly reliable or lucrative. And, since I have enough student loan debt to sink a fleet of aircraft carriers, and since I also enjoy things such as having food and a nice place to live, a gal’s got to make money somehow.

With that in mind, I’m investigating a handful of ideas for jobs that a) I might enjoy, and b) can pretty reliably pay the bills: content marketing, social media marketing, grant writing, college essay tutoring, and copyediting. That list might expand  — or contract — as I learn more, but for now, information gathering is my primary game plan. My hope is that I can build multiple streams of income so that I will, to use finance speak, diversify my portfolio. You know, balance risk and reward, remain agile, all that jazz.

(Although really, I ran far and fast from any sort of math class once I was done with high school, and I never once looked back — so maybe I should give the finance metaphors a rest?)

Anyways, aaaallllll that being said, yesterday’s Act of Renovation was to visit my friendly local career center to review my resume with people who are Legit Authorities (TM) on this sort of career voodoo. Mercifully, these people are incredibly helpful. They’ve been helping me though each painful, bewildering step of editing my resume from a Lumbering, Bland, and Bureaucratic Government Resume, which is loaded with arcane D.C.- and government-centric terms, into a Nimble, Witty, and Modern Private Sector Resume (also TM…but not really, I just like making proper nouns out of things that don’t warrant capitalization in real life). You know, one that can actually be read and understood by normal people outside the Beltway.

The woman I met with not only really liked my first round of changes (yay!), she also had some insightful suggestions for my next iteration revisions (double yay!). So, I have myself an Act of Renovation for later in the week, too.

We on the rise, y’all.

* Oh yeah, and I’m not actually a mom, despite weirdly referring to myself as Mama. That whole cancer thing kind of deep-sixed my grand maternal plans, but that’s a topic for another post.